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Joke of the Day

"In high school, I presented a project on communism I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent."

"Customer: You said these pants were pure wool but the label says ""all cotton."" Salesman: Oh that's just to keep the moths away."

"The doctor said to treat my daughter's scratch with alcohol, so I kissed it."

"My phone never asks me to put my husband down."

"My weird paranoid neighbor, shreds all her mail and closes all the shades. But never locks her basement window."

"Accidentally sent a guy a ;) instead of a :), now one of us is probably pregnant."

"I had a one-night-stand with a Bernie supporter. I know because I can feel the bern."

"I discovered it's not a good idea to eat baklava while wearing a balaclava."

"Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread"

"Why did the cyclops quit his job as a teacher? He only had one pupil."