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Joke of the Day

"""I'm so pissed I could punch a ba-"" ""A what?"" Big Baby from Toy Story 3 hovers over me, sawed-off shotgun in hand. ""A bagel. I HATE carbs."""

"Thanks for wishing me a Happy Monday, you've changed my entire outlook. I don't hate Monday anymore. I hate you. Happy New Sworn Enemy."

"If it wasn't for rap I probably wouldn't know the area codes of most major metropolitan cities"

"Why were the mountain climber's parents disappointed in him? He was always high! ^(I'm sorry)"

"They don't hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It's Restockholm syndrome."

"Why can't any of the seven dwarfs share the same name? Because that could create a pair o' Docs."

"My roommate is a chemistry major, and plays the organ.. One could say that he's an organic chemist."

"What vocation can transform anything into a gate? A reporter."

"Why did the eagle fly into the church? It was a bird of pray"

"I like my coffee like I like my women In two enormous cups"