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Joke of the Day

"[Hospital] Doctor:""...and so the baby is fine."" Me:""And my wife?"" Doc:""I'm afraid she's critical"" Me:""I know! But how is she?"""

"The Republican Party has shown its support for the mentally ill by nominating Trump for President! Well, support for at least one of them. (here come the trolls and bots)"

"How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One narcissist. The narcissist holds the lightbulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him."

"My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. She's a 10, but she's imaginary."

"What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire"

"Did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic dyslexic? He was up all night wondering if there was a dog."

"90 people have swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom."

"Me: how long are you gonna sit there picking your nose? I tried to be polite but this is absurd Potato Head: I want to look good on my date"

"What's the difference between a statesman and a politician? A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman."

"The even numbers said... The odds are against us."