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Joke of the Day

"Little Liz was walking through the forest... When a man came at her with a bread knife. Little Liz started laughing, she knew she wasn't a loaf of bread"

"*flips coin* ""Head or tail?"" Her: That's not how this works!"

"Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? ""Not with the proper treatment."" *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*"

"I like my coffee like I like my women, black and from the gas station up the street."

"were do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store. Edit: WHERE NOT WERE I'M RETARDED I KNOW :((((("

"What reindeer can jump higher than a house? They all can! Houses can't jump!"

"Why did the father of the asian couple know the baby was not his? Because two Wongs don't make a white"

"Must thank Matthew Broderick for overcoming my fear of sex after pregnancy. He reminded me that sometimes you just have to get back on the horse."

"I didn't believe my friend when he told me who the Canadian Prime Minister was... turns out it was Trudeau."

"How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel."