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Joke of the Day

"What do women and Google have in common? [They never let you finish first.] (#s)"

"I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate..."

".@petco None of the pets I purchase from you shrug and say ""It's a living"" when I use them in place of household appliances."

"Last week, I went to my doctor and told him I was constipated. He told me I was full of shit."

"Did you know that Matthew Broderick was the first Iron Man in the movies? He was Ferrous Bueller."

"where is the best way to hide a nutella? i'm nutelling you"

"My dad called to ask if sending an email to the USA costs more. I told him a LOT more, better not risk it"

"Old age homes suck people are dying to get out of there."

"""What's taking the pharmacist so long? It's just one prescription"" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*"

"Why aren't ""Blonde jokes"" funny? Cause they're stupid."