150372

Joke of the Day

"Why aren't ""Blonde jokes"" funny? Cause they're stupid."

"I ask that my remains me kept in an urn... ...and whoever keeps the urn squirts some lotion in there periodically because you guys know I can't stand being ashy."

"What is the opposite of an autistic? A Socialist."

"There is no amount of money I wouldn't pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room."

"When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks."

"I have come up with the most awkward event of all time: the Father-Son wedding dance."

"Why did Steve Jobs lose on the X Factor? because Sam sung better than him"

"What does a neckbeard call a disease or ailment? ma'lady"

"1) get drunk. 2) have sex. 3) leave taco bell. DONT TELL ME HOW TO PARTY!"

"Hey girl, are you a fire alarm? Cause you're fucking annoying."