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Joke of the Day

"what's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a child? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window."

"Behemoth? No. Hebebutterfly."

"*takes selfie, sends to wife* Wife: ""No."" *takes pants off* *tries on another pair in The Gap change room* *takes selfie, sends to wife*"

"I dont know if anyone else remember this joke - How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen consume? - Enough to kill two and a half men."

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target."

"Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone !"

"I'd like to be a double agent. Or maybe a single agent/pirate. Maybe even a velociraptor. Definitely a velociraptor/pirate agent."

"Is it too soon for Michael Brown jokes? Thought I would give it a shot."

"Dammit, stop summoning me to fight global warming! I'll believe it when the remaining 3% of scientists believe it! -Republican Capt. Planet"

"If everything is going your way You're in the wrong lane"