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Joke of the Day

"*on deathbed* ""Son u were *cough* ado-"" ""Dad? I was adopted?!"" ""A dot of misery on my otherwise happy life. I don't know why we adopted u."""

"I can prove to you that electronics are powered by smoke... by the irrefutable fact that they stop working when the smoke leaks out!"

"Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? She was a woman."

"A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing plastic wrap underwear. Psychiatrist says ""Well, i can clearly see your nuts."""

"Pretty upsetting that gummy worms are actual size but gummy bears are not."

"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm quite busy."

"Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor. Nobody should be able to vote in both."

"What kind of doctor is always on call? An oncologist."

"If you want to hear an elderly couple arguing for 2 hrs about whether they closed their garage door, go to a movie at 11AM on a weekday."

"Response to ""LPT: If you ever get cold..."" What if your corner isn't 90 degrees? Well, it just wouldn't be right."