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Joke of the Day

"The Walking Dead or the Grammys. Do you watch the bloodthirsty monsters ready to eat each other to survive or do you go with Walking Dead?"

"DAD: I can't believe you bought me a house for Christmas SON: I hope you enjoy it DAD: I'm just gonna... SON: Oh no DAD: Live in the present"

"The new pool lifeguard was talking to his boss about his experience so far ""There's an exceptional amount of friendly people here. It's been at least seven who has waved at me."""

"Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently... The steaks have never been higher."

"""No no no!"" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. ""I cannot see you today!"" ""That's fine"" said the salesman ""I'm selling spectacles."""

"I can't remember whether I threw a boomerang or not... It'll come back to me."

"Teacher : What are you doing crawling into school ten minutes late ? Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late !"

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they shouldn't be aired in public."

"Does anyone know what happened to Operation Baby? Last i heard, they had to abort."

"A dragonfly just landed on my face an I reacted the same way I'd react if an actual dragon had landed on my face."