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Joke of the Day

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they shouldn't be aired in public."

"I want to open a donut shop called Hole Foods."

"You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It's the celery of pets."

"How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers."

"""Ok just so I'm clear on this - this dog can bark for 11 hrs straight & only poops in other people's yards? I'll take it!"" - my neighbor"

"A man finds a job at an elephant circumcision office. His salary is so low that he wants to quit, but then he sees that the tips are huge!"

"What's the difference between a feminist studies major and a bench? A bench can support a family."

"I'm going to save my resolution for 2015, I think I want to be an asshole for another year."

"Why do Java programmers wear glasses? Because they can't C#."

"Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK."