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Joke of the Day

"Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently... The steaks have never been higher."

"I can't figure out why my son hates me. Tim hates you? No, my other son. I can't remember his name. I just call him ""not Tim"""

"I used to think I was into necrophilia, sadism, and bestiality... once I tried it, I realised I was just beating a dead horse."

"Why did God make women last? He didn't want someone telling him what to do"

"I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake."

"If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell"

"TIFU... I could've had a V8"

"Good thing it's Valentines day, cause I woke up with a massive heart on!"

"If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here."

"How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules? Post something humorous in /r/lounge. P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?"