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Joke of the Day
"What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat? Claude"
Next Joke
"How heavy is a Chinese dumpling? Wonton."
"The difference between dates and prunes? You don't get laid after prunes (Courtesy of my date last night after I asked her this question seriously)"
"I don't drink anymore... ...I don't drink any less either."
"Black actors boycott Oscars... No slave or MLK movies this year."
"So, have you guys seen the headlines about 'Jesus might have had a wife'? I don't know why they're still speculating. After all, it's pretty clear that *someone* was nailing him."
"What do you call a dead chicken that's haunting your house? A poultrygeist"
"Disaste. Phew, that almost spelled disaster."
"Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?"
"If he pauses a video game to text you, he's probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,"