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Joke of the Day

"What does a mexican Highlander say? ""THERE CAN BE ONLY JUAN!"""

"Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain? Because of the indoor fins."

"""So you met the victim on tinder"" Yes ""Do you often meet women on tinder""? Yeah I've been murdering it on there *lawyer puts head in hands*"

"""Girl, are you a tree? cause-"" ""no i'm not a tree"" ""..cause i want-"" ""why are you still talking i'm not a tree"" "".. i want t-"" ""not a tree"""

"What do you call an unconscious computer programmer? dfghjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj"

"A guy caught cold. His wife offers to make him Chicken Soup A chicken sitting nearby says ""Why don't you try Aleve first, ma'am?"""

"Are you from the 316? Because you're an stone cold stunner. Edit: Stone not ice Thanks /u/cvillemade"

"I miss my dog so much since he died, I just paid a homeless guy to come over and take a shit on my kitchen floor and then eat it."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? The pizza doesn't scream in the oven"

"Female Ghostbusters? What about male Charlie's Angels?"