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Joke of the Day

"Stephen Hawking can actually be pretty funny sometimes... But I don't think he's got what it takes to do stand-up."

"True love is when your pet comes to your room on its own."

"Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second."

"I'm Dyslexic, Agnostic, and an Insomniac. I lay awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog."

"An egg just followed me. Now I just need some bacon."

"What is a Muslim who works at Starbucks called? A Terrista"

"Did you hear about the prostitute who had a vagina surgically implanted on her hip? She wanted to make a little money on the side."

"*writes 'amount to something' on bucket list* *crosses it out* *writes 'mount something'* Yeah. That's do-able."

"What do you call a sad elk? Lachry-moose"

"John McAfee's doing paper work to become president... Time for America to become bloated and slow..."