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Joke of the Day

"Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Unless you're talking about Oreos."

"The other day my dessert looked like it was undressing me with it's eyes... It was a total crepe."

"How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her."

"My ""15 minutes of fame"" are when I get my paycheck and everyone I owe money comes to collect"

"It's like these birds don't even know that it's the crack of fuck on a mother fucking Saturday morning."

"Did you hear about the mexican that went to college? me neither."

"When someone is calling with your girlfriend... Take the phone and say: What has little balls, and hangs down? A bat. What has big balls, and hangs up? ...Then hang up the phone x)"

"A man walked into a bar Ouch!"

"Just accidentally flashed my gay neighbor. He's not gay anymore. HAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding. He totally threw up."

"I get it Bryan Adams. It was the summer of 69, but what year?"