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Joke of the Day

"""I'm not really supposed to do this,"" says the Verizon employee, showing you the setting on your phone that unbinds love from sorrow."

"If a murderous killing machine came back from the future.. And calculated all matrices. Would he be the Determinator?"

"What do you call an Ent prince who betrays his dad? Treason"

"Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from."

"How do Religious Education teachers mark exams? With spirit levels."

"Texas... It's not the heat, it's the stupidity."

"""Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. ""What?! Really?!"", I said. ""Yep! Go pack your things and get ready"", my dad said. ""They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes."""

"Two deer walk out of a gay bar... One deer turns to the other and say, ""man, I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there!"""

"Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside"

"Him: *hands me glass of clear liquid* Is this glass half full or half empty? Me: Is that water or vodka? Him: Vodka. Me: Empty."