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Joke of the Day

"If a murderous killing machine came back from the future.. And calculated all matrices. Would he be the Determinator?"

"A girl asked me for a dick pic. I told her sorry, my phone doesn't take panoramic pics."

"I couldn't use my phone at the funeral home it was a dead zone."

"A lion wouldn't cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood"

"The iPad 2 will be released on March 11th. Of course, as a celebrity, I'm already using my complimentary iPad 7. The screen touches ME!"

"Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they come in wet and wild, and leave with your house and car."

"HATE when this happens: Get in Bed. Get perfectly comfortable. Suddenly must pee."

"What do astronomers do when they have nowhere else to turn? They default in our stars"

"""Tell them I just left and should be there any minute."" -Every delivery guy, ever"

"Remember when people uses Chuck Norris jokes? They all died because of unknown source :)"