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Joke of the Day

"The doctor who performed my lobotomy operation did a lousy job. I have half a mind to tell him so."

"What's the difference between a girl's track team and a pygmy tribe? One is a bunch of cunning runts."

"What do you call half a ginger? George."

"My 9 year daughter asked me: ""Daddy can we buy money?"" ... Me: Buy money? Using what? Daughter: Aaa ... Apples? Me: That's called ""Selling Apples"" not buying money."

"Girlfriend Detective Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."" Me: ""Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."""

"If Arnold Schwarzenegger was a composer which would he be? He'd be Bach"

"Girl: So, your dating profile says you enjoy long walks by the sea & making ur own wine? Jesus: ON Girl: What? Jesus: Long walks ON the sea"

"An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so? Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime."

"My ex used to say there was one person for everyone. I didn't realise he planned to be that person"

"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."