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Joke of the Day

"The host of a party said, ""Make yourself at home,"" so I got comfortable. Turns out English was his second language and he was ordering me to leave :("

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"What did Hannibal Lecter say to the philosophy professor after the lecture? I can smell your Kant."
"What's the worst part about shaking a one-armed man? You know that's his masturbating hand"
"How did the toad die ? He simply croaked !"
"I got dressed... I'm a changed man now."
"""Oh wow, way better!"" -Jedi Knight trying out a gun"
"Why is Donald Trump like a Gibbering Mouther from DnD? Both are all mouth and no balls."
"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office with nothing but saran wrap on. Psychiatrist says, ""I can clearly see your nuts"""
"What do you call a woman without a clitoris? Doesn't matter. She's not coming. Bonus: Check out the anti joke version on /r/antijokes."
"*downloads Pinterest *pins tutorial on how to uninstall Pinterest *uninstalls"