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Joke of the Day

"I'm a leader, not a follower... Unless it's into a dark place, then screw that, you're going first."

"Seems like ladies hate being asked how their Thanksgiving was, no matter how playfully I pat their stomachs."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? wiped."

"Coworker: You look tired. Did you not get enough sleep last night? Me: Nope. Slept great! But thanks for telling me I look like shit."

"I met my girlfriends dad last weekend, he told me ""Anything you do to my daughter ill do to you on my front lawn!"" I said ""I suppose you'll be buying me dinner on your front lawn?"""

"What do you call it when cosine plays? Cos(play)"

"What's the difference between a cheap hooker and an expensive one? You'll get crabs from the cheap one, and lobsters from the other. Heard this years ago, hope this ain't a repost. Cheers"

"A closed mouth keeps it's teeth."

"What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire? Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one"

"What concert costs $0.45 50 Cent with Nickelback as the opening act."