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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an alien in a swamp? A MARSHian"

"[explaining twitter to my mom] Everyone is mad about something all the time and I'm a cartoon"

"(Can we bring back the good old Chuck Norris short jokes people?-I'll start first) Chuck Norris is the first guy to have made a knot out of a diamond."

"Women are like ice cream.. They're cold at first, if you keep them warm they melt, then they get fucking sticky."

"My girlfriend turned to me and said ""Dave, I think we've come to the end of the road."" ""Why?"" I said, shocked. ""We're in a lake."""

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I'm not going to jelly my dick down your throat!"

"I thought I'd repost an old joke... Oops wrong sub..."

"Siri, answer all of my toddler's stupid questions."

"I'm really glad they invented shampoo. imagine having to wash your hair with real poo?"

"A cat's love is like nothing you've ever experienced unless you've dated a completely aloof murderer with autism."