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Joke of the Day
"What do you call an assault which is both positive and negative? A battery."
Next Joke
"What idiot named them twins instead of wombmates?"
"If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, ""Nature photographs."" Thanks."
"I wonder what Ethiopian hipsters post on Instagram... But it sure isn't their food..."
"What's the worst thing to say to a hipster? You remind me of someone"
"Where did Sally go when the bombs fell? Everywhere."
"The Samsung Galaxy S7 walks into a bar... But it isn't waterproof so it breaks."
"RAN INTO A COWORKER AT TARGET. DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS BUYING BABY CLOTHES FOR MY CAT SO I TOLD HER I'M PREGNANT"
"Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end."
"Well my friend was raped by a troupe of mime artists... They did unspeakable things to her."