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Joke of the Day

"what did the cloud say to the atmosphere? what the hail was that?!"

"Today seems like a good day to wash my hair and take 10 selfies wearing 10 different shirts so I can pretend I look human on a regular basis"

"DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being"

"Always hide you prescription bottles from your medicine cabinet so ppl don't know how crazy you are. Also, you're now out of xanax."

"JOB INTERVIEWER: so, what was your last job? DR. FRANKENSTEIN: bodybuilding"

"Kids these days can't do shit without #Google. When I was a kid I didn't have Google. So, I pretty much couldn't do shit."

"How do you confuse a gay? Seven"

"What's the difference between the 3 Stooges and my penis? Girls don't laugh at the 3 Stooges"

"Hotel Chain Merger Ramada Inn and Hilton are merging. The new hotel chain will be called ""Ram it in to the Hilt"""

"What's the easiest way to twist someone's arm? Thalidomide"