930

Joke of the Day

"[Enter restaurant] WIFE: See if you can get us a table ME: Ok [1 minute later] ME: [sprinting towards wife, carrying table] START THE CAR"

"NSFW - If you need to voice search the web for new directions don't say it too fast"

"How does a hamster propose to his girlfriend? With a hamst-ring! I'm sorry."

"When you have a relationship with a positive person.. You usually get aids"

"What Super Models should you invite to your birthday party ? Cake Moss and Naomi Candles"

"You do realize that if you save yourself for marriage, you'll only have sex like three or four times ever?"

"7 thoughts u have when buzfeed steals ur content -WTF -OMG -Huh -FAIL -LOL -NOPE -why is a multimilion dollar website riping off my twiter"

"Guys, share your most ridiculous ideas Successful women"

"What did one gay sperm say to another gay sperm? How do we find an egg in all this shit? Credit to my friend telling me"

"A sad time in a dad's life is when your son finally dunks on you so you have to cut his hamstring while he sleeps so he can't do it again"