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Joke of the Day

"[Chaperoning field trip] ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids. AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid."

"Maggie Thatcher is due to be buried in a man made lake. Well, it will be once everyone finishes pissing on her grave."

"Redditors won't get this... Original content"

"Old mathematicians never die, They just lose some of their functions."

"A Jew, a Mexican and a colored guy... ...walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says ""Get the fuck outta here""."

"What's the fastest drink in the world ? Sonic the eggnog."

"To the account who followed me while I slept and then unfollowed me before I woke. My apologies for taking a break. It won't happen again!"

"What did the roman soldier say after crucifying Jesus? Nailed it"

"""Every time I go out, the paparazzi wants to make an oil painting of me. So annoying."" - 1700s celebrity"

"How do you find the circumference of a sheep? Use shepherds pi"