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Joke of the Day

"Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there."

"The revolution will not be televised. It will be streaming on netflix this summer"

"Yes, I've been in love before. I've also had salmonella poisoning and you don't see me running back for seconds."

"What's the only thing an Irish person can hold on to? A grudge."

"A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first The leaf. The rope stopped the emo"

"Fall? More like fail [watches as the leaf from a tree gracefully falls to the ground in the beautiful cycle that is nature] loser tree lol"

"Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac with tourettes? He was up all last night wondering if there is a cunt."

"I used to so drugs in the 90s but now I usually turn the AC on"

"Why does 0=1 COS(0)=1"

"I just got a new watch for my ex-wife Seems like a fair trade."