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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear Kim Jong Un banned sarcasm? Woops, thought this was r/News"

"If 'real life' was really that great, Twitter wouldn't be so fucking addictive."

"What's red and orange and looks great on hippies? Fire."

"If anything is used to its full potential, it will break."

"What do vegan zombies crave? GRRAAAAINS!!"

"So glad the new phone book arrived, because I hate texting the wrong number from the rotary phone in my Ford Model T."

"I've never finished a marathon, but one time I finished a whole bag of Peanut Butter Crunch even though the roof of my mouth was all tore up"

"This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife I thought it was a great trade."

"People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old"

"Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter. (Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)"