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Joke of the Day

"""Count your blessings. Then count them again."" - OCD optimist"

"There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't."

"This third bottle of wine has turned everything into a microphone."

"Do you know how Michael Jackson really died? He ate a 3 year old wiener."

"My heart is like an onion... I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again"

"What do you call an aborted Czechoslovakian? A cancelled Chzeck."

"You know your girlfriend is too young when... ... you still have to make the airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth."

"My New Year's resolution is 1920 x 1080!"

"Why did they have to cancel the volleyball games in the special olympics? It wasn't going over too well."

"What phrase do prostitutes and mafia members both say? You lookin to get whacked?"