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Joke of the Day
"don't worry, i'm not like other girls *head slowly rotates 360*"
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"I'd give anything to be a philanthropist. That is all."
"Why do Jewish people have big noses? Air is free...."
"What do you call a pessimistic pelican? A pelican't."
"How do you use a philosophy degree in a professional context? *Why* would you like fries with that?"
"I heard the comedians at Jamestown were pretty bad... The punchlines were so shitty everyone died."
"What's worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree? ...The holocaust"
"[stranded on deserted island] *spells out message in rocks* WHAT'S THE WIFI PASSWORD"
"If I could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, I would choose alive."
"What TV personality lives in your phone? SIM Card-ashian! (it might help if you say it out loud)"