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Joke of the Day

"How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out ""Oh come on. Even I've done THAT!"""

"*DJ drops the beet* ERRYBODY IN THE CLUB begins wondering why the DJ would bring a root vegetable to work with him."

"What do you call a shitty band that only plays in the winter? Coldplay."

"That's definitely not my ringtone, but I'm going to have to check my phone anyway."

"An Irishman walked out of a bar"

"what do my ex and my toilet have in common? They both keep bringing up old shit"

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged."

"Poop in the sink Shit will solve itself."

"What do you get when you cross a kid who's eaten enough sugar to send a rocket into orbit, and the meanest boy in the whole world? Hyperbole"

"The first rule of dad club is shut the goddamn door on your way in, we're not trying to heat the whole outdoors here."