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Joke of the Day

"Life with me is like a roller coaster. There's a weight limit."

"Customer: I didn't order this. Waiter: I know but your meal tastes worse."

"Girl, are you my brake pads and rotors? Because I'd like to grind on you until you groan loudly and I have to replace you."

"To apply for a job at Hooters do they hand you a bra and say, ""Here, just fill this out."" ?"

"Sherlock Holmes leaves the bathroom without flushing... After he exits he tells Watson ""I think I am constipated."" Watson replies. ""No shit Sherlock?"

"I love 12 year old porn. If you ask me, 2003 was just the golden age of porn with the best and sexiest adult actors of our generation."

"I secretly replaced my husbands coffee with the empty toilet paper roll he left in the bathroom. Let's see if he notices."

"[family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN"

"""I'm going to lay right here in the doorway and give people a dumb look as they trip over me.""- Damned dog.... Could've been me though."

"I renamed my night club Viagra... It's been 4 hours and people are still cuming!"