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Joke of the Day

"I made a bet with my sister that I could make a working car out of spaghetti.. ..you should have seen her face when I drove pasta."

"What's the difference between dollars and Jews? I give a shit when I lose 6 million dollars."

"*brings knife to gunfight* *knife used to cut pizza* *pizza served & differences resolved* *last slice up for grabs & gunfight ensues*"

"If I'm in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet"

"Downhill is probably the only way I can honestly say I've rolled."

"Some people go to the gym to get big Who needs that when I can just carry the weight of my burdens and sorrows all day"

"Why did the plane crash because the pilots we're muffins"

"I remember how the folks on food stamps cost our country trillions by selling bets on bad mortgages to suckers. Glad they're being punished!"

"I hope there will be a riot where I live... I really want to have an Xbox one and a new TV."

"I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends? In an explosion."