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Joke of the Day

"When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me."

"Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders."

"Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck? He was suspected of Fowl Play"

"Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?... A month later he was picking his teeth"

"how much onion does dad use in his bolognese? shallot"

"What's Jesus' Favourite gun? A nailgun"

"My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding. He's not happy about it either."

"If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well."

"What's a Chinese fisherman's least favorite part of living in Hollywood? Pilot season"

"[eulogy] ""Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"""