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Joke of the Day

"My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding. He's not happy about it either."

"What do you call an angry black man? Typical. What do you call an angry white man? Active shooter."

"""I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy"" is my favorite lyric about murdering law enforcement officials in moderation."

"Where do Eggs keep their holidays pictures? In a photo albumen..."

"In Soviet Russia a bar walks into men. The case of the man-killing-bar remains unsolved."

"If you fail to take over a government... You've really screwed the [putsch.](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/putsch?s=ts)"

"Why did the wine critic get kicked off the nudist beach? Because he was wandering around with a semillon. (best when read out loud)"

"[shower song] Im all outta Dove Im soapless without you I'll never get clean Now that you are all gone *grabs shampoo mic* IM ALL OUTTA DOVE"

"What's the best thing about alzheimers? You're always meeting new people."

"When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope. Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow."