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Joke of the Day

"Guys, stop comparing Trump to Hitler. He thinks it's a compliment. Call him a middle-aged woman or a peaceful Muslim."

"If you ever need help learning C++, I can give you some pointers. And you can keep me as a reference."

"Actual warning I saw in a pamphlet: ""You may be at risk for throat cancer if you have a throat or mouth."" Oh shit...."

"Did you know that trampolines were originally called jumpolines? Until your mom got on one."

"My best friend swore up and down that he would stop taking credit for my accomplishments. Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant."

"""It's not you, it's me. And me. And me! And me. And me."" - schizophrenic break up"

"Did you see the Broadway musical about the dictionary? It's a play on words."

"*points to person jogging outside through the snow* ""Look kids, a lunatic"""

"A poem about bugs: If it can fly, it should die."

"Why do tampons have strings? So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea."