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Joke of the Day

"I now realize that my mom did not actually have eyes in the back of her head. She just did as I do, randomly yell out ""stop it"" every 30 min"

"I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me."

"*Fakes Phone Call* ""Yes a thousand doves please....well give me pigeons and i can paint them white"" (cups hand over phone) ""I plan weddings"""

"Somebody please tell ugly girls with opinions that nobody is listening."

"I guess he's going back to ""the artist formerly known as prince"" too soon?"

"*waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ? Aladdin the street wants a word with you !"

"There was a documentary on TV about the world's smallest car. I couldn't get into it."

"Why shouldn't you commit a crime in front of an Indian women? She's always recording."

"What do you call it when God masturbates? Jesus fucking Christ"