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Joke of the Day

"*Fakes Phone Call* ""Yes a thousand doves please....well give me pigeons and i can paint them white"" (cups hand over phone) ""I plan weddings"""

"I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean. Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree."

"Did you read the article about corduroy pillowcases? ... They're making headlines."

"A wife asks her husband ""Honey, how many women have you slept with?"" The husband replies, ""Only you sweetie. I was awake for all the other ones """

"""That's me in a nutshell."" A peanut's photo album."

"Have you ever seen the house Ray Charles lived in? Neither did he."

"I don't mean to sound racist, but why do all Chinese food takeout boxes look the same?"

"What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani hospital? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"How long do I have to sleep before I'm legally a bear?"

"I got a flyer in the mail that said ""Get into a new car no questions asked!"" Bullshit... my neighbor still asked WTF I was doing in his BMW."