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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather's holocaust stories aren't half as depressing as the contestant interview segment on Jeopardy."

"What's the best thing about doing 23 year olds!? There's 20 of them."

"It's cute how insurance companies think funny commercials and catchy jingles will make us forget how much we hate them."

"[On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym] Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn? Her: Yup Me: Me too! Her: How? Your machine isn't even on"

"I bought a new book today called X-ray vision for beginners.' I'm having a look through it now."

"My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta."

"My son came to my crying today and said, ""Dad, when you are at work, Uncle Dave touches me."" Couldn't believe it.. My own son... A fucking snitch"

"Time for a , ""How many ___ does it take to screw in lightbulb?"", thread! Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!"

"My girlfriend broke up with me. She said ""I'm sorry, but you're just too immature."" I looked her dead in the face and said ""Get the fuck outa my treehouse!"""