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Joke of the Day

"The universe implodes.... No matter."

"Best jokes from movies What are you best jokes you have heard in a movie?"

"If I was named Edward Normus, I'd use my first name's initial and my last name as much as I possibly could."

"Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater."

"Documentary I just finished watching a documentary on time machines. That's 3 hours of my life I'll probably get back."

"The way I deal with my drinking problems is every time I want a drink I go to the gym. They have a bar there."

"I don't have a problem with man buns You used to have to talk to someone for 3 or 4 minutes to figure out if he's a fuckhead"

"Ebola causes nausea, headaches and is hard to get rid of. Is it a disease or a U2 album?"

"My friends ask me why I play soccer even though I'm not very good at it. just for kicks"

"When I get fired, I assume they are going to show me a hidden-camera montage of me flipping off my boss and customers behind their backs."