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Joke of the Day

"I beat this orphan kid in baseball the other day... Only because the little cunt didn't know where home is!"

"What does Batman get in his drink? Just Ice"

"I think the worst thing about falling asleep right after sex is that I never manage to get the fish back into the aquarium."

"What the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? John Wayne stopped killing Indians a long time ago."

"How do tree surgeons live? Life on the hedge!"

"Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy? Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up."

"I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses."

"My grandfather gave me some sound advice when on his deathbed... ""It's worth investing in good speakers."" he said."

"I dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!"

"""I'M SO FUCKING WET!"" She screamed... ""GIVE IT TO ME!"" Alas, she can scream all she wants, but I'm not giving her the umbrella."