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Joke of the Day

"""I'M SO FUCKING WET!"" She screamed... ""GIVE IT TO ME!"" Alas, she can scream all she wants, but I'm not giving her the umbrella."

"Where's the best place to apologise to someone? Surrey."

"Have you ever seen one of those billboards that just says ""AVAILABLE"" and a phone number? That's your mom's number."

"Reddit right now [deleted]"

"Fat Chinese What do you call a Chinese person? A Chink. What do you call a FAT Chinese person? A Chunk."

"I attempted my first press-up today. Sadly I only smelled defeat."

"Why do Apple computer users always tell sexist jokes? Because they aren't PC"

"Question: What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender? Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on"

"'What other miracles can you do?' Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish?' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite"

"Is your refrigerator running? Because if so I'll probably vote for it."