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Joke of the Day

"""I'M SO FUCKING WET!"" She screamed... ""GIVE IT TO ME!"" Alas, she can scream all she wants, but I'm not giving her the umbrella."

"Everything happens for a reason; unfortunately, sometimes the reason is you."

"Womens rights"

"What's got 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard"

"I'm no cactus expert. But, I know a prick when I see one."

"I heard they were gonna make a movie about Michael Jackson It was gonna be titled ""50 Shades of Black""."

"Atheists swear they not going to hell just cuz they don't believe in it. nigga I don't believe in having a job but I still go to work"

"Someone said you sound like an owl. Who?"

"I like musical instruments that you blow into. They're pretty... *Breathtaking*"

"Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough."