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Joke of the Day

"Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten gagged whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."

"According to my gym trainer, I need to cut back on drinking According to my bartender, I look great Moral of the story: I'm drunk"

"What do you call the exact opposite of progress Congress"

"What country do all cats wish to get their food from? Viet NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM"

"Why does Heisenberg hate driving? He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer."

"What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist? The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train."

"A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink"

"What is it called when the Queen farts? a noble gas!"

"A priest, rapist, and a pedophile comes into a bar... He then sits down and buys a beer"

"What did the Wife-DNA say to the Husband-DNA? Do these genes make me look fat?"