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Joke of the Day

"You know, I'm old enough to remember... When the worst thing you'd hear about on the news were highjacked jetliners flying into buildings. --Norm MacDonald"

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"I saw a huge spider wearing a turban and carrying an AK-47 yesterday and I shit myself. I'm guessing I have Iraqnophobia."
"The reason old men use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly."
"What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran."
"A dwarf psychic escaped from a police holding cell. Headlines read ""Small Medium at Large"""
"Cutest joke ever What does a red grape tell a purple grape? Breathe, you idiot! Breathe!!"
"Forgot to put the salmon in the fridge after dinner so tomorrow for lunch, I'll have the salmon and the shits."
"WHAT DO WE WANT?!?! A CURE FOR TOURETTES!!! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!?! FUCK!!!"
"I guess I've cut back on my drinking... Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice."
"Talking to my friend about how useless I am with ladies... Me: ""I even had to stand on a damn ladder yesterday just to kiss my date goodnight..."" Him: ""Wow, was she tall?"" ""No, she hung herself."""