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Joke of the Day

"my daughter hones her survival instincts by forgoing the provided bowl and spreading goldfish crackers all over the house to forage & store"

"What is something that looks like an obese vagina, loves guns, is widely hated by the Europeans and can't take a joke? An Americunt."

"Yo mamas pussy is so nasty... they make you eat it on Fear Factor."

"Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf."

"Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass."

"I was told my dad was stealing from his construction job and I didn't want to believe it But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"What happens when you drop a decimal point in water ? it floats."

"I like to bring ants on planes and say ""All the people down there look like you!"" They can't understand me, but they like the company."

"Knock knock Who's there? Owls. Owls who? .................. Exactly!"

"How do pigs talk? Swine language"