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Joke of the Day

"Robin Williams isn't dead He just retired, he's on a beach somewhere sipping mimosas and watching the sun rise. Hope you finally found your peace."

"How can a woman make you a millionaire? When you marry her as a billionaire."

"I think you should say happy birthday 4 times to everyone having a birthday today.. since they only get 1 birthday every 4 years.."

"A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing The pirate thinks and replies, ""my spine!"" ""Why?"" says his wife, a little surprised ""Because it's holding me back!"""

"Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris."

"Dad: There's no use crying over spilled milk son. Me: But dad it was tequila! Dad: What!? *cries immensely*"

"Instagram better not use my cloud pics. THEY'RE MY CLOUDS GET YOUR OWN CLOUDS ZUCKERBERG!"

"I hate father in laws So I only date black girls"

"Gravity is such a bully... It always brings us down."

"Just added Paul Walker on xbox, Shame he's always on the dashboard tho."