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Joke of the Day

"A robot goes to see a psychiatrist... ""Just because my intelligence is artificial doesn't mean that my problems aren't real."""

"I always found the movie ""The Exorcist"" confusing... It made my head spin."

"My nonprofit for constipation awareness went bankrupt (at least half of you can guess the punchline)... because no one gave a shit!!! yeah yeah, I know where the door is..."

"I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing."

"I always carry a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say ""I like your haircut"", I can respond with, ""Thanks, here, have some."""

"[in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME"

"Why is every boob job the same? Two round boobs. Switch it up ladies. Someone get two Belgian waffles or something."

"At my parent's house, or as I like to call it, the world's most judgmental self-service laundromat."

"Anti jokes A man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is destroying his family."

"I saw a man at the beach screaming, ""Help, shark, help!"" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him."