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Joke of the Day

"Him: What's your fantasy, baby Me: Me, you and my cat wearing matching sweatersWHERE ARE YOU GOING I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THE NACHOS"

"My run today was like my last date. Short, slow, and frigid."

"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? EVERYWHERE"

"HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING"

"Why did the feminist fail in programming? She hated objectification."

"Hell is where Sarah Palin is president, Taylor Swift is in love with me, and Kim Kardashian names all the children"

"I got a new piercing I flopped my cock out in front of a girl last night and said ""do you like my new piercing??"" After a few seconds she replied "" where's the piercing then?"" I said ""in my ear"""

"The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then."

"Have you heard the one about the bed? No? That's 'cause it hasn't been made yet."

"2 Packets of Crisps were walking down the street. A man in a van pulls up beside them and go "" Would you guys like a lift?"" The Crisps replied "" No Thanks we're **walkers**"""