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Joke of the Day

"CHEF: You're fired ME: Is it cause I call beef patty's ""beef patricias?"" CHEF: Yes ME: Can I have some Switzerland cheese bef- CHEF: GET OUT"

"Did you know that NASCAR fans are the easiest people to make fun of? As soon as they start chasing you down, all you have to do is turn right."

"Two Bass Drums and A Cymbal Fall Off the Roof. Buh-dum tssh"

"Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter it's not gonna come anyway"

"Boy: grandma, have you seen my pills? They were labelled LSD. Grandma: f*ck the pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"

"""Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on.."" [rubs up against your leg] ""that's better"" -cats"

"I had a near-life experience...I nearly quit Facebook."

"Never trust Atoms They make up everything"

"If my girlfriend was a Pokemon her name would be...... Vulva-sore"