91062

Joke of the Day

"FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans."

"My wife told me that she needs time and distance... ...because she's calculating velocity."

"If bank website ads have taught me anything it's that white people love drinking coffee as they pay bills online in an empty loft apartment."

"What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!"

"""Get in the van if you want to live."" Creepy Terminator..."

"My workplace consists of 80% women and 20% men.. I guess you could say that we are under staffed"

"[3 guys corner me in an alley] 3G: Bet you're scared Me: *shows them my wife's credit card bills* 3G: *hand over their wallets* holy shit"

"Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down the well? She screamed her fingers to the bone."

"What sort of cheese do you use to get a bear to go on a outing with you? Camembert"

"Luke Skywalker uses the Force. The Force uses Chuck Norris."