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Joke of the Day

"FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans."

"How did Canada get its name? They had a bag of letters, and one person announced as he picked each letter out "" 'C', eh, 'N', eh, 'D', eh""."

"The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons... I asked if I had to quit cold turkey."

"""shaved carrots instead of cheese"" lol okay Vogue thanks for the diet advice those totally taste the same"

"Why are there no black CIA agents? Because you'd never be able to convince him to help the massive drug smuggling conspiracy that's shipping cocaine into his family's neighborhood."

"Hillary Clinton is going to be the first f president... ... Oops, I meant to say female but someone deleted the emale"

"""just got my rejection letter from MENSA"" -idiots."

"The Pen is mightier than the sword... Cuz, you know, you can't draw dicks on faces with swords."

"What's the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate? The type of booty they plunder."

"I think my cat is using me for my money I mean the sex is great, but I just don't feel an emotional connection."