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Joke of the Day

"The Pen is mightier than the sword... Cuz, you know, you can't draw dicks on faces with swords."

"Why do primates do so well in show biz? Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!"

"I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon."

"Do you know why there's no casinos in Africa? Because there's too many CHEETAHS!"

"I don't mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he's hiding in them waiting for me to get home."

"Remember when Indiana Jones risked having his arm crushed to rescue his hat? I'd do that for my iPhone."

"I used to piss my pants in front of my 3rd grade class.... And it cost me my entire teaching career.."

"There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary code and those who do not."

"Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date."

"Why couldn't the teller comprehend the bank robber? He was bad at stickup lines."